A Lotta Carlötta

The Cans Film Festival

Dear Diary,

My manager Dave called today to raise my rent $125.  Well, I mean the landlord part of him called to raise the rent.  Dave is one of those Hollywood Hyphenates–“Talent Manager/Landlord.”  So that sucked.  The talent manager part of him also had some news–I’m going to the Cannes Film Festival!!!  Dave booked a modeling gig for me there!  I have to hand out swag or something at some vendor’s booth.  Not the most glamorous…oh, who am I kidding?  Everything at Cannes is glamorous! I am so excited.  That certainly took the sting out of the rent increase, right?


Dave’s a good manager even though he can sometimes be a bit of a dolt.  He actually called it the “Cans” film festival.  LOL.  I set him straight and told him the “s” is silent.  He was all like, ‘whatever, do you want the gig or not’?  Duh!  Yes!!  Dave is going too and said he’ll pick me up tomorrow.  I can barely contain myself Dear Diary.  I am sure I will have lots of stories to tell of rubbing shoulders with the glitterazzis.

Gotta run, must finish packing.  Dave said to wear something “hot”.   Wonder if I’ll meet Leo?  Merci bo coo Dave!

Dear Diary,

So this trip to Cannes was a total disaster.  I should have known something was up when Dave picked me up in his car.  First of all, he was dressed in shorts and a Tommy Bahama Hawaiian shirt, flip flops and no luggage.  “Where’s your luggage?” I ask and he goes, “The fuck I need luggage for?”  Anyway we’re driving down the 405 and he gets on the 10 east and I’m all “This isn’t how you get to LAX” and he’s all “The fuck we need to go to LAX?”  I go “Well, where the hell are we flying out of?”  “Flying?” he goes “we’re driving….to Downey”   Downey?  Downey, California?  “Yeah” he goes “The Downey Marriot to the Cans Film Festival.” images-3
I go “Stop saying Cans it’s CAN, the ‘s’ is silent”  Dave goes:  “The fuck are you talking about?  It’s cans…like tits, boobs, ta-tas!  This is Downey’s biggest annual porn convention and it’s in the Grand Ballroom. You’re welcome.”  I said, “I thought this was an all expense paid trip to the Cannes Film Festival in the South of France.”   Dave goes:  “They’re reimbursing the parking.” and then he starts laughing and he couldn’t stop.  He actually he started crying from laughing so hard.  Then I started crying.  We arrived at the Marriot a mess, my face trashed from crying, Dave’s too.  I went into the bathroom off the lobby and pulled myself together and changed into my outfit, the one I fantasized meeting Leo in.

The day turned out fine, I guess, all things considered.  I met some interesting people while I handing out samples of this revolutionary new dental dam that was developed by a dentist.  It contains flouride so that’s good.  The inventor was there, Dr. Dirk, he was very sweet and took my number.   So maybe that will turn into something.


Until next time Dear Diary

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