Remember back in the 90s when lollipop bodies were the thing? I’m talking Calista Flockhart, Kelly Ripa, The Olsen Twins, even Nancy Reagan–those female icons with twig thin bodies and gigantic craniums, remember? It’s a timeless look.
As a working actress, spokesperson and pop culture icon in Hollywood it’s critical I stay stick thin. How do I do it you ask? You did ask right? I do it with my soon to be patented weight loss system and soon to be self-published book “DeBeauToxing–The Carlötta Beautox Method.”
DeBeauToxing is simple and you only have to do it 1 day a week indefinitely and forever. The rest of the week you can eat like a normal person. I should clarify–like a normal, really thin person who is slightly underweight. Here’s the 1 day regimen–
- Two Espresso Beans–chew them slowly, savor them.
- Three TicTics–any flavor, chew slowly, remember: make them last.
- Water–go for it! As much as you want.
- Iceberg lettuce–mmmm, so good. Eat as much as you want. NO DRESSING!
- Cigarettes–smoke ’em if you got ’em ladies (and adventurous gents!)
- Sleep–try to sleep about 18-20 hours on your DeBeauTox Day. It’ll help you forget about food.
That’s it! Easy, peasy right? You’re welcome!