Health and Beauty Tips!

The Sriracha™ Colonic–Yes, It’s a Thing

Dear Diary,

Went to this New Age/Spirituality Meetup in Venice a few weeks ago and met this great guy, Guy although he pronounces it French-style like “ghee”.   He is a very important player in the colonic industry.  Guy used to be an extra on General Hospital and like the cliche goes, he played a doctor on tv. So he does actually have some street cred in the medical field.

Anyway, this guy Guy told me about this new process he’s developing–kind of the successor to the coffee colonic–called the Sriracha Colonic™.  He was developing a pitch for Kim Kardashian‘s team, to see if this is something she might get behind (no pun).  Kim is a master at getting in on the next big before it is the next big thing which is what makes her a star. Seriously, look what she did for asses, 2 years ago they were just something you sat on and now look how they’ve exploded!  The ability to recognize genius is what separates us from animals.  Well I recognized it as genius immediately and I told him I would be honored to be on the forefront of this important medical breakthrough.


Dear Diary,
Holy shit that hurt.  I guess I didn’t know Srirachi™ was a hot sauce.  I mean it hurt, really hurt a lot. No pain no gain, right?  And I swear, I know you’ll think I’m crazy but I swear I noticed the fine lines around my eyes diminished instantly after the procedure.  I’m not going to lie, I cried some while it was happening and it’s possible the moisturizing effect of the tears had something to do with the reduction of fine lines but I prefer to think it was the colonic.

The toxins lining my colon did not stand a chance of survival after that.  Guy reported in detail what came out of me during that colonic and it was not pretty–a parade of tapeworms not the least of which can only be described as “the Buick of parasites“.  Right before I passed out I had a vision that my colon looked like a piece of PVC piping, all white and shining.  And I tell you I felt so clean, an inner cleanliness that was more like Godliness.  It seemed so anyway when I felt my spirit rise out of me and hover over the table looking down on my body with a tube up my ass.

Based on my screaming, Guy said he decided not to pursue the concept with Team Kardashian. Well, at least I experienced something Kim Kardashian never will and not many people can say that.
“Out of suffering have emerged the strongest souls”
Kahlil Someboy said that.  I saw it on a bumper sticker.


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